We should not be in sorrow
When we have a loss
For we had the experience
To enjoy the joy of having.
But we should be sad
At the sight of gain
For it gives us the time
To have and the knowledge of loss
We think it was great to have
But then again, it began at a gain
And when that gain was given
That door for opportunity was left empty
And then to be darkened and closed
From that door
And then the door is filled again
Not only with loss
But with gain as well.
Written on 10-28-10
Walks through the door
Down the hallway
To the intersection
To lean on the wall
The bell rings
Everyone goes to separate rooms
Doors close
And then it starts
They put on their masks
Similar faces
Painted smiles
Same words
Those words form lies
Lies told of and about
Told of them
By them
About them
All created by them
They live and breathe
Oh these wicked lies
Grow and destroy
The smaller and weak
But only one can really hurt
And that is the lie of the mind games
This one has been living and growing
For years on end
And no one can destroy it
It starts off as a rumor
He says this, she says that
Small and ignorant to pain
Then it gets worse
It spreads like wildfire
In a forest of gasoline
Until in explodes
Like the volcano that has
Been built up on this mountain of lies
The burning anger and sadness
Has funneled its way up
Into a red, burning passion
Of hate and misery
But at that point
It’s beyond late
Apologies can’t help
Nor putting a stop to the fire
It has gone to far
Because of them
This soul put down their guard
And believed
And was happy
But because this false sense of security
This person is no longer themselves
They lost their true self
Getting sucked into this
Dark pit of lies
And getting spit back out
As someone else
Looking different
Acting and speaking different
Different is and understatement
They destroyed their life
And didn’t even care
They destroyed without
Even blinking
But what is expected of these
Pitiful, lowlife, miserable people?
Nothing but a masquerade
Of everything being covered
In silk and glow
But if unmasked
Everything is revealed
They are snakes
Only trying to benefit themselves
There is a silence on this darkened path,
There is slight motion in the saddened shadows,
There is no one alive nor dead on this lonesome road,
Near a window, the cries of people echo in an almost chant:
There is help, you are not alone,
And now there is an unchanging look upon thy face, and this is taken in
For now who are below, now see what they have done
With there all so wise words have done,
Is neither helped or diminished the majority of this problem.
Go on, just do it, the faster the sooner,
In a heartbeat, everything will be over;
Not here, not gone; --but in a strait of life and death
The lurking soul deceased, but still remain
The pain and saddened life this one create
The life that could of changed from bad to good,
But taking that into a thought of mind
A sudden pause came up upon the moment
And a single crystal tear pour from thy eye.
Leaning back and forth, unsure what move
To make within this spur-of-moments pass
To go forth will end in such a tragedy
But to live is such a tragic end itself
Dying now will make life anew
But living let die another day
Should there be a plunging death
Or just another back away?
Undecided for the now.
Thinking, just thinking:
Should this be the last,
That last of all misery,
Or should I live to speak another day?
O woe is this wretched time
For now, in this moment, shall be choosing
Life or death, or slowly die inside
As a heavy sigh comes from within the darkened soul
This is remains, the single question, truly of a lifetime.
Shutting the window, not yet decided
Not today, or maybe in an hour, maybe not at all
But there many ways to leave and to stay
To live it out, or become the Earth’s prey
To stay with uncaring souls, or live to die alone
The depression will kill eventually
But is it soon enough?
Too soon, too far to know
Still a throbbing question.
At the sudden choice to plummet to the sidewalk below
Could be as fast as tying a shoe, or picking a sprig of lavender
But could take longer if not landing right
Could just break bones, maybe nothing
Or just a few bruises at least, at all
Just count down from 10... 9.... 8 and finally hitting 1
Just jump, or not, so unfair at this vulnerable, willing moment
Or if to count up: --1... 2....3 and then approaching 10
All of this is gone, possibly lived another life.
As all these thoughts run through and through again,
One still remains upon the outer regions of the mind:
What will happen after all of the commotion?
Looking once again outside the window
The decision is made, and taking final steps
Walking out on the fire escape, talking one final breath
The speaking of last words:
Fie, doth this life truly live or hath death taken a ride?
For 26 years young, has felt an aging presence the while
And as these words are spoken, thy took the life-taking plunge
From the 7th story off this landing attached to brick
But landing not on concrete, but fabric.
Cries and screams of relief come from the surrounding
But cries of torture come from deep heart and soul
But no one hears these faithless cries
For death upon impact was the case
But unknown until someone checked the pulse
Which made a beat of still and lifeless
Not beating with life and hope
The pulse was never truly there
But somehow had more to let go.
People think that life itself
Is a broken promise
From the untrained eye
It probably is
But is a fixed lie
Some think that this
Is a twist on reality
But reality is a twist
Upon itself
For nothing is real
And what is real
Is merely nothing at all
Everything has a reason
And reason can be everything
It can control you
If you let it
But to take control
Of this twisted reality
Is a new twist to it all
You have added this new twist
This twist can live and breathe
This twist is you
Every step and every breath
Turns and bends this rope of life
Then you reach the end
The rope is frayed
It’s weak
Then it is tied
And all of the memories
And every step and breath
Is saved
For others to see
The way you lived
The way you see
Now your rope
Twisted in this life time
This life that was though a broken promise
Was really just another twist
For just another life
The sun has gone
The moon is here
Stars are shining
As the lights shimmer on the Earth
Lights from the homes have dimmed
As the moon and stars grow
One by one they twinkle
And bring, in the smallest amounts, joy.
Many think of the night as darkness
But few think of it as light
The moon, the stars, a slight mist, a shadow
The night is amazing and not a fright
In places there are fireflies
As they dance
Drifting in the air
As most go to sleep
Few clouds in the sky
Moved by the might’s soft wind
They fly away
And the starts are seen again
Darkness and partial silence
Is not a bad thing
For day is to night as night is to day
The sun’s light is still there
As it heated our hearts in the day
To be relaxed at night
The darkness is never truly dark
The moon and stars will shine the way
To guide the blinded eye
To show the beauty and not the fright
To the night; and to the moon, and the stars
It can and will be noticed
It will be remembered: ‘It shall never die’
And will fly for all eternity
Cold at winter
Warm at summer and spring
And the cooling heat of the fall
Night has many shapes and forms; it’s still all the same
It has come to stay, yet it must go
For the sun has come again: ‘The darkness has gone’
Another day to go
Then the sun will set, and yet again, the moon will rise
And then another night will live
Until the sun will rise again
The Sun is fire.
Fire destroys everything in its path.
It makes me miserable.
I praise the Sun by ignoring it.
When I ignore it, it seems to go away.
I prefer the moon.
The cooling and quiet moon.
I love the night and so does it.
Surrounded by little stars.
Twinkling the night away.
Then there’s the Sun.
No stars. Just the Sun.
Then at night, the light of the moon
Shines through the clouds.
The Sun just blinds you.
The Sun makes things go away.
Rain and Snow.
The moon watches quietly as it falls to the ground.
The moon keeps memories, the Sun does not.
Why should I praise something
That takes memories away.
Some good, some bad.
But still memories.
Dear Pathetic Use of Life,
I know your dead but being the giving person that I am, I thought I should give you an explanation of why I killed you; even though you are unworthy for trapping me in this iron prison. When I first experienced death, it was the most amazing thing that ever happened. The smell of fresh blood and sight of peace on the dying person’s face. So, I though that if the person was upset about something, that they should die. When I saw you, you were screaming and yelling because you lost your watch. I thought instead of looking for the watch with you, I would help you in a different way. You might think that these actions were over dramatic but what you don’t realize is that now you don’t have to worry about the time anymore. I put the nails in your eyes to help ease the searching mind, cut your tongue out so you wouldn’t strain your voice from screaming out in frustration, and I broke both you arms and legs so you could relax instead of looking for you watch. All along, you had left you watch by the sink. I saw it while you were peacefully drifting away from the life you had known for 22 years. So now you must realize that I do not deserve to be in prison or to be labeled as insane, but it is you who should go to jail for putting an innocent woman in this small cell with a death sentence in 5 months. I put you at peace and I get thrown in jail for doing the right thing. The world is a harsh place to live. My theory is that if you leave someone to suffer, you get to be free to roam the world but if you ease their pain, you get a death sentence. It’s not like I broke into your house. You kindly invited me in. Then realizing that you lost your watch, you tore your house apart. I thought that you deserved better. So that is why I ‘killed’ you. I just found out that they were able to sell your house to a family with a little girl. She is staying in your old bedroom. She sees small dots of blood that the cleaner had missed, but she thought it was the game where you connect the dots and then you get a picture. Anyway, I accept you apologies and I hope one day that you realize that you should thank me. But I should be the one who is sorry for you did not deserve the help that I brought you. To think that I wasted my time when I could of helped ease someone else out of pain that I wasted all that time trying to be a friend to you. And people call me sick. You are a very ungrateful person, but I helped the world by getting rid of one more of you demons to society.
When and if you realize your evil acts, then and only then will you next life begin.
Your Savior,
The Peace Maker.
The sky falls dark
On the warm summer night
With the stars illuminating the day’s night
But soon comes a single flame
It is alone, planning its path
Burning the match it stands on
Waiting, just waiting for the moment
Then, it happened
The match was thrown at the home
Of not one, but four
The home of which was two stories
The two parents were down stairs
When they scented the smoke
And as they smelled the painful smoke
The first floor was lit up
Flames and sparks everywhere
Thrown in every direction
The parents run out on their loving home
And call for help in the almost silent night
And wait in terror
Knowing that their children were upstairs
Scared, abandoned, and confused
Then one child runs out the front door
Terrorized and then went into shock
The parents were now worried for two different reasons
For one was in shock, and the other terribly lost
Then the sound of sirens are heard
And the neighborhood is awaken
Everyone’s outside
Watching, waiting for the girl
As the fire department runs inside
They cannot find the little girl
So all they can do is put out the fire
And hope for the alive to have survived
That little girl has hidden
In her closet
Out of fear of the flames
She hears a man’s voice calling for her
As she slowly slips away
She had locked the door
And turned off the light
And stayed in the back of the closet
As the flames grew closer
She had stayed still
In a state of no return
Then they crash through the door
And just a moment too late
The man that had called her
Carried her out
He walks out the doorway
On to the lawn
Over to the ambulance
To be pronounced dead
Then put into a body bag
And into the back of the ambulance
They drove away
The parents devastated
Blaming themselves for being so selfish
Only saving their lives
Instead of helping
The ones that were their lives
One to two months later
They had the funeral
For the little girl
Who had died
In that undeniable act of a burning
After the funeral the parents had gotten called in
For after investigating the scene of flame
It was discovered
That the flame that had sat upon the match
Was dropped out the window
And had landed in the bush nearby
It was dropped by the mother
Who had of course denied it
But then the father turned her in
Saying that she had been awaiting
To make a fire
But had no idea that she had meant their home
And the fact that their young daughter died
Had destroyed only him
The mother thought it was the perfect crime
She thought that the evidence would have burned
But it didn’t
The only thing that was burned
Was the heart and soul of the girl
A year or so after the arrest and sentencing
To death row, which was deserving
The mother had been injected
With a life-taking poison
For she had killed her daughter
Through flame and smoke
There, right in the chair
She took her final breath and said
‘I regret nothing at all and would
Do it all over again if she could’
And then she had slipped away too
As they closed her eyes
And carried her body away
The crowed of family had softened down
They couldn’t stand to stay
Her mother only shed a tear
The husband cursed her away
The one remaining daughter shrieked
And then she hung her head
And as this day had come to end
This day of such sweet sorrow
The year of death, depression and loss
Had finally been put to justice
And then was put to bed.
