Watered Down

Written on 5-8-2015

Being in the middle of life and what I have,

all I can do is go with the current.

If I try to get out too fast,

I will wash up on the shore.

Day in and day out,

I sit in this vast ocean and wait;

the tide goes down when the world is quiet,

and goes back up when the day is raw.

While I lay here treading water,

I wonder what would happen if I went under...

but then I decide that it won't make things better or worse,

it will just change.

If I had to say anything right now,

it would be, “I'm sorry”.

Not for something I have done

but for the things I never did.

If I could go back in time,

I would be placed at every disaster;

So if I were to go back in time,

I would be exactly where I am now.

I lost my boat a long time ago;

it took in too much water and went under.

So I sit here and wait, not for someone to save me,

but for the water to drift me to the shore.

It Is What It Is

Written on 2-2-2015

Why should I believe or have hope for anything anymore?

Everyday is something else.

I just don't have the energy to deal with it anymore.

The people I don't care about hurt me.

The people who are supposed to care about me just end up breaking my heart.

I lock myself in my room so I can avoid this awful world.

In doing so, I am slowly losing all sanity.

But then I ask myself what's worse...

And I would rather be insane and unaware, then be in pain.

So I spend my days as a prisoner, and by night, I'm free.

I don't know what life has in store for me, but so far, it hasn't been to good.

I have suffered from depression since the age of 10.

I have suffered silently with it for many years.

Now, at 19, I'm finally getting help.

But I still wonder if I waited too long.

I know life isn't easy, but is it really supposed to be this hard?

I have a lifetime's worth of sadness and anger, and I haven't even been around that long.

But still, I wake up every morning, and try my best, because that's all I can do.

There are very few people that give me strength to do so, and that number is dropping.

So all I can do now is wait, and maybe in the distant future, I'll have a decent day.