Chest Pains

Even though love is not created by the heart, there is a cavity in my chest where it once lived. It broke out of its prison of kisses and walking in the rain and comfort and it sits in the tree weeping like a willow. It then jumps from the branch and lies at the bottom of the trunk. Beating slower and slower, sadder and unable to accept, it beats one more time, as to say,

"I love you, where did I go wrong?

I tried my best to be perfect.

I just want to make you happy.

But then you didn't want me.

You broke me.

Some say time heals all wounds.

But time wounds all heals"

As I run over, stumbling over each foot as i step, I fall to my knees and cry. My tears bring out a few more beats that in words,

"Do not cry, do not be sad.

I am at fault.

I tried so hard, but not hard enough.

But now you have nothing to worry about.

As I fade, so will your tears."

I begged and pleated it to stay and that I will do better, that it wasn't its fault. I would hold it when I could and that it could freed from its prison. I sat there crying, declaring my love for my heart. But it wasn't enough... I wasn't enough. It said,

"I will live again.

If I'm supposed to beat for you,

then I will be back.

But if not, then I will fade along with the feeling."

I could barely breathe and as I became weaker and weaker, my heart laid at the bottom of the tree, I drifted away. My heart made me feel more alive than I had ever felt, and now I am slowly dying. Dying from depression, and because I lost the one thing keeping me alive. I lost my heart. I loved it more than the stars in the skies and the sand on the beach. But just remember, my heart left me. I didn't rip it out of my chest and walk away. I even went after it. It wasn't the heart who wasn't enough, it was me. My heart didn't want to keep me breathing nor have a pulse. I have become heartless and a broken who will wonder this blackened orb we call earth until I find someone who can find me a donor. My first heart will never come back, and I will not recover for a long time.
~Sigh~ Goodbye my heart. I never thought we would part, but if our paths cross again, then fate is more cruel to my emotions than the cruelty I faced that day.

Dear Someone

Written from 9-3-11 to 11-14-11

She walks into the wood-paneled room and goes to sit in the rocking chair by the window. Shades are tattered, knitted blanket upon her lap. The window open with the shades drawn back, with the warmth of the sun peering in just as it disappears over the horizon. Looking into the the purple and orange sky, she lights a candle and reaches for a pen a her journal from an old wooden side table. She opens the cover, writes "52" in the corner of the page, and begins to write:

"Oh, how my words and love can fall so easily

on to the pages of this book, but I become mute

as soon as you say hi. How I want to let my heart

pour into your hands and my emotions be held in

your palms. But, even so, would you care to take

my hand, my life, me, on this ride, into the field of

wheat? The wheat and grasses that grow so tall

sway so graceful in the wind? How I wish my

vocal chords would strum in tune and play such

sweet melodies when you were around. The stopping

emotion of shyness and slight fear has prevented sweet

music and replaces it with sharp glass stabbing the eardrum.

If you are to see this before I leave, please stop me if your

heart leaps, and flee me if not so. I will wait the dreaded 7-day

toll for your response. Farewell."

She then gets up from her chair and closes the window. Blowing out the candle, which has melted about half way down, she walks over to her bed and lays down. Closing her eyes, she thinks to herself, "He will never see those notes". She then drifts into a deep sleep until the sun rises again.